Awakening : I am Love. You are Love. We all are Love

What to say? I’ve been slightly at a loss for words today, such is the profoundity of the revealing teachings I received yesterday on the final day of the Oneness course…

Breakfast, I’ll start with that.

My day began with this colorful, tropical  and delicious bowl of sliced papaya and dragon fruit.

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It kind of made me think of the symbol for the  Muladhara/Root Chakra

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The last day of the Oneness course was jam-packed full of learning and activity with little time to process what was actually being said, taught,or happening.

I do feel incredibly priveledged to have had this experience though and it has a lot to do with all the lovely souls/people I connected with through this course as well as Dr. Punnu Wasu who I found to be the epitome of a “Sound Healer” and by “Sound” I don’t just mean music but I mean safe, authentic, clear and pure in thoughts, words and intention to enlighten empower.

We learnt about how the birth process affects our personality types in adult life, even down to the different phases of conception and growth and how different traumas, emotions of the mother or father or disruptions to the embryo during those phases can affect people’s personality types later in adult life. We had a Scientist and a Doctor/Surgeon in the group and he was slightly sceptical of it all at first but then confirmed on a scientific level everything that was being taught as a spiritual concept or philosophy. We also learnt how the “womb time” is a great time to begin an education. It was suggested that both a mother and a father can start to tell their life stories to the embryo as the embryo can apparently feel and absorb information.

I also learnt an idea that “Conception” begins when we have the idea that we want to get pregnant or conceive, we are in that moment calling in the soul of the person we will call our child…!?!

I also learnt that if an adults ears get blocked or they lose their hearing it’s because their inner child is “lockedup inside the grownup” and they need to free their inner child a bit and play more. This actually seemed true to me because when I am stressed, I often have ear problems and grind my teeth, so it feels like my ears are blocked or like I can’t hear properly. After doing the inner child work of sitting under a tent and talking in a babyish voice; I felt and heard a loud pop in my ears and they became what I can only describe as “unblocked”- Awesome!! I also concluded that creativity and creative-expression is a really important and healing aspect for the inner-child to be free in exploring and communicating thoughts, feelings and ideas.

All the talk of conception and birth made me decide I would reachout to my dear, sweet mother and ask her to revisit it all by writing my birth story down for me- when she can find the time to travel back to what must have been both a beautiful and traumatic experience.

We spent a good chunk of time learning and discussing relationships in the context or “Life Partners”. Asking and answering questions such as

“How do I identify my life partner?”

And in response to this question, I learnt that one major thing I need to do in that arena is activate “The Art of Listening” meaning listening to myself first, my inner wisdom and being aware of what is happening within me and what I am feeling before then of course being able to really listen to someone else. I was also reminded how important it is too connect to, own and communicate negative emotions in a healthy and non-blaming way.

I learnt that the most important thing to work on, in order to have a great relationship is self-acceptance of my: Body, Childhood, Past, Abilities, Emotions and Personality.

“Unless one is able to love oneself, one cannot love another.

It made me think about the millions of people who are in unfulfilling relationships because they have not even considered trying to connect to these parts of themselves and it also made me think of the millions of people who are in relationships and clashing or arguing about meaningless things when really it’s these un-addressed wounds that are being triggered and causing conflict. And then of course it made me think of a wonderful, conscious, complimentary and fulfilling relationship the kind I would love to have and that I imagine most people would like to have…

“Relationships that add joy and meaning are founded on a great deal of RESPECT”

“Either choose a partner with the same values or with the values I seek”

Anyway, there was a lot more great stuff taught and discussed on the theme of partnership  and relationships but I don’t want to just share all my notes from the course. I’d actually prefer to encourage you to experience it for yourself.

If this course does not feel like a good possible fit for you, there are others and I have done other process-work retreats and seminars but this one was clear, fascinating and felt safe. I put the safety and trust factor down to Punnu, I wonder what the other Onenss course leaders are like? I liked that I was not being recruited to sign up and pay for more courses at the end- which is the cult-like vibe I have felt from other courses I have done…even on some life-coach training workshops I have done.

To narrow down what I learnt yesterday…

“Accept that we all need to love and be loved and that a higher state of consciousness is beyond needing”

Then we were taught a healing modality which involved the laying of hands on people, something I had already learnt with reiki healing so this kind of energy work came very naturally to me.

There was then a lot of work around becoming the super-observer of my own thoughts words and actions so that I may become really aware that I am not my thoughts, my words or my actions- this is where my head felt a bit scrambled and this is the work I feel I must process and experiment with integrating into my daily life because I have been such a thought and analysis oriented person for a long time now…so for me to make that journey from my head to my heart is both confusing and exhilirating.

I have heard several times along the way that the journey from the head to the heart is the longest journey a person can make in their lifetime and I am so excited to really be on that journey- I feel I have been on it for at least 6 years now…a conscious journey of awakening and accountability. Now my challenge is to “BE LOVE” and it’ll be really interesting to see how that pans out…

Oh and somewhere along the way we had a debate about “innovation” in particular about thoughts, ideas and creativity. Some of the concepts revealed around these themes blew me away and turned everything I knew to be true on these themes completely upside down…I am still digesting as it means I will have to approach creativity and creating in a radically new but totally exciting and challenging way…more on that in a future blog once I have experienced some of this new experiment in action…

Oh and the massive discussions and debates throughout about God, with several atheists or uncertains in the group as well. I like that there was an encouragement to and a recognition of the potential that everyone participating might believe in and pray to different gods- that it was not about praying to anyone in particular but it was crystal clear that it is important to have a connection to what I would call God or The Universe or a Higher Power…ie something outsdie of the self, the ego and outside of an internal consciousness- perhaps a good term would be a “collective consciousness”?

I actually really loved the random debates that would erupt throughout the course, they were one of my favourite things about the process also as it revealed how intelligent and free-thinking everyone in the space was.

It was fascinating to learn about and debate the notion that “The way I relate to myself internally is the same way I relate to others”.

Finally I learnt about true fulfillment and how selfish goals are rarely fulfilling. therefore it is always important to check in with goals and ask not only “Why do I want this?” but also “IS this for the greater good for myself and also others or those around me?”.

The final steps were so profound, so powerful and carried us all the way until Midnight- a late night to end on an exhausted and transformed and empowered on a radical high note.

So much more to say on what I learnt but it’s getting a bit late now and this blog has taken me waaaay more then the supposed 20minutes I had set out to write every morning.

I have the cutest little kitten sitting on my lap as I write this, I filmed a bunch of testimonial videos earlier today and then we formed a “sharing circle” and I just kept the camera rolling as we discussed and debated everything that happened over the last few days.

I found that to be so beautiful, so sacred and was in awe of the intelligent and beautiful people from around the world who had gathered in Bali to explore the concept of “Oneness”…and for letting me film them/it!

I also really love that this course does not insist on secrecy which means it is much easier to communicate the benefits of then some other personal development work and programmes I have explored over the years…

Does all this personal inquiry and desire to know and understand myself and others and the underlying oneness in all creatures, people and  faiths make me “conscious”?

I do not know…

Does it make me “Awakened”?

I do not know…

All I do know is that I stopped trying to make my blogs funny, cuz I’ve been so busy diving deep into really experiencing it all rather then clowning, judging, persecuting or being cynical about things- I guess thats where humor mostly comes from then…I feel like it’s time to have a bath.

So I’m on a journey from my head to my heart and I am in the process of awakening…

How fascinating is that?

Here’s a pic of me getting some mala beads and a certificate of “Consciousness” qualification that says I can officially give “Oneness blessings”- sweet.

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And here’s an afterglowy group shot wearing normal clothes again (not all white like the last few days) of those of us who were not camera shy during the process.IMG_2103

“I am LOVE. You are LOVE. We all are LOVE”

Sending you virtual blessings from the blogosphere with golden shiny light, with LOVE LOVE LOVE and in Oneness

Namaste

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A Return To Innocence

Wow, yesterday was full on intensity but really in a very god way.

The day began with a meditation and then yoga in the beautiful big upstairs studio at The Yoga Barn taught by Dr. Punnu Wasu which seemed to me like a fusion of Sivananda and Kundalini yoga.

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A few tears came out as I attempted Sun salutions for the first time since my bike accident, my ego took a bashing because I am accustomed to being “ilke, really good at yoga” also it felt super squeamish to tune into whatever smashness was going on with my kneecap. I am visualising it all mending and it is healing up so well that I was able to fully dance on Sunday and then do many sun salutations though slightly wobbly ones yesterday. My stomach muscles are also hurting today from all the “core strength” exercises we did like lying on the back and lifting both the legs up into the air then doing large circles 12 times each direction for a few repetitions.

After yoga we had about 2 and a half hours of teachings and thought provoking questions focused on “Intentions” and how our intentions drive us and how important it is to question ourselves and checkin with things like ” what is the source of my intent?” and “Why do I need what I need?”. I wrote a long list of intentions for myself personally, professionally, romantically- which felt pretty clear and then some notes on why I wanted those things or situations in my life. Then I concocted some pro-active steps I could take towards bringing those intentions to life whilst also letting go and trusting in God/Spirit/The Universe or you might call it fate/divine intervention/the luck factor to bring the right intentions to life. After setting intentions, the letting go and trusting is really important, so that I can be present and not in Story/Drama/The Monkey-Mind and so that I may be at ease with those that do not come to fruition immediately or ever…

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.”

“If it is personally significant or authentically meaningful to you, don’t give up.”

Then we had a lecture learning about all the chakras.

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The chakras are my faourite and most fascinating bit in the study of yoga- as they refer to the intriguing and fascinating “Energy Body”. We were guided through a kundalini chakra-balancing meditation which was beautiful and left me so spacey and blissed out that I floated off to lunch on my own, feeling like I wanted to sit alone and do some writing/catchup on homework which I did not manage to finish the night before. After my lunch of glass noodle stirfry and an iced latte, I realised I had floated out to lunch without my wallet. Thankfully they were willing to accept my course workbook/notebook as a ransom when I explained to them that I was a student and a writer and that these notes were very valuable to me. I ran back and forth in the rain to grab my wallet and ensure I could pay for the lunch and retrieve my notebook- chakras balanced spacey lady out to lunch!

Then we returned to begin very important healing work on both the inner child and the relationship with the prime care-takers/parents.

The inner child work was really magical and pretty heavy deep work on many energetic emotional and psychic levels. It involved going into a cocoon in my case by throwing a large blanket over my head (I chose to do this because I wanted to dissappear into the experience and also as I found it distracting to be so aware of other people sitting and or crying in the room). So once comfortable in my tent/cocoon/blanketed bundle creation I was guided to revisit painful memories from my childhood, times were I might have felt sad or fearful…I was suddenly very vividly having flashbacks from my childhood. I was there at ages 5, 6,7,8, 9, 10… I said hello to my child self- “hi…i’m a nerd she said laughing” and I saw a totally adorable geek who just wanted to make friends, a kind of morbid geek who liked horror stories and hated dodgeball, a little nerd who found solace and happiness in the world of her creative imagination. A little nerd who was so excited about halloween every year that she spent the whole year planning her costume and then the whole day puking and so often halloween got cancelled for her at the last minute because everyone thought she was sick but actually she was just so excited about it. I was lovingly laughing at my little inner hyper sugar-craving nerd. Then I was a graceful ballerina training so hard and trying so so hard to be “better then all the rest” and never felt good enough…only felt adored when she was on stage and deeper and deeper and so on…(I guess some of my process is really just meant for me and my healing not to share everything in a blog.)

We were basically encouraged to fully embody these memories, to cry and even to talk out loud from the voice of our inner child.  It was very strange and surreal and it was a powerful journey through time and space. It felt to me like astral travel, time travel- back to my past….it was all very clear and seemed very real.

Then we had to deal first with our mother from the point of view of our inner child and then our father… speaking out loud from the child’s point of view and asking for/demanding in a childish way all the things we might have needed back then and didn’t receive.

Then we had to visualise our parents as young children and offer healing energy to them for all they might have experienced in their own childhoods. We also had to visualise and remember all the times we may have hurt each (mother and father) and then to beg them for forgiveness for basically any and all the shit we may have put them through, to even visualise ourselves bowing down at their feet and begging them for blessings and forgiveness.

So it was pretty intense and cathartic to spend a few hours hiding under a blanket, snotty nosed and crying my eyes out whilst speaking like an angry or fearful little child. When I returned once again to presence in the room and lifted the lid on my blanket tent; I had a very peaceful sense that my parents may have actually felt me communicating with or connecting to them too, it was that powerful…

I must ask them what they thought or felt around that time yesterday….I hope that they felt the love, gratitude and healing energy. I am pretty sure that they would have, it was very intense.

It was such a beautiful ritual to go through and I found myself wishing that all adults could do something like this…energetically healing their inner child, forgiving and asking for forgiveness from their parents. Not that everybody needs to do this kind of work but I think a great percentage of adults would benefit from focused time to revisit a childhood in this way where it seems very very real- like a dream and then to also concentrate energy to ask each parent or primary care giver for forgiveness…

I do understand how this is a powerful for of energetic healing and a powerful way to step into personal power and responsibility.

Well, it was very heavily pouring down with rain all afternoon and seemed like Mother Earth was feeling the energy and crying too.

We then had a final talk on “The Art of parenting” which was picking up on the inner child and family constellation healing work. I appreciate that parenting was described as an “art form” ad something that everyone would benefit from studying or learning more about before actually having children/becoming a parent.

I was also fascinated by these proposed parenting theories:

For a child from age 0-6 they must be treated like a King or Queen

Do not say too many “NO’s” or the child will grow up to be very rebellious and also likely aggressive.

For a child from 6- 12 treat them like a prince or princess, start to set boundaries but do not dictate, rather encourage them to develop a moral imagination.

For a child from 12 onwards, start to treat them as a friend or equal to encourage an independent thought process and be prepared for them to say “NO” to many of my suggestions. Do not stifle their “NO” at this stage as it will lead to great problems for them in adulthood and they will mostly become an adult who says NO to life and who hates authority..

As we completed the inner child and family healing work, Punnu asked if we’d all like to order pizza- to a resounding whoop and cheer. Al our inner children were very happy to eat pizza huddled in a cozy circle, sheltered from the tropical rainstorm in the Yoga Barn.

So it was full on and I arrived back home pretty late and exhausted, having hitched a last minute ride on the back of a passing motorbike through the jungle, because I was fine on foot for a bit…and then I think my inner child suddenly got afraid that there might be big snakes in the jungle in the heavy rain…

Once back at my house, a new neighbour popped over to say hi as she hadn’t seen me around for a few days, since I’ve been up super early, away all day and back late at night…

I told her I was “busy and deeply processing” what I had experienced during the day.

Processing is another new agey sort of trending word….an important one though for without processing I would just jump from one experience or encounter to the next. I like to stew, percolate and process what I am learning in order to grow and expand.

My new neighbour is a really cool creative character and several times published author. She definitely deserves and requires a blog post just about her; which I will do soon once I have completed the Oneness…

Here is a song and beautiful video. Enigma “Return To Innocence”