Walk The Talk

Hello Again! I have made it through the first month of 2015 with very little time spent online and I’m slightly sorry to say that it has been wonderful! I have been on the move on my first trip around India. Adventures in the freezing cold North from Delhi, all around Rajasthan and back again followed by some inspiring downtime living in a treehouse in Goa and practising many different types of yoga in the jungle  from Iyengar to Kundalini, Hatha and Vinyasa flow with some gorgeous inspiring international teachers. Living away from social media and blogging has given me a chance to be fully present and that has given me so much joy that I do not intend to be online much this year. I see myself blogging maybe once a month in response to the inquiries I receive through my website/email and social media. I figure that if one person sends me a question others may be wondering the same things and so could benefit from reading my answers too. I also do not want to put much time and energy into responding to emails and facebook inquiries- thus the public blog intended to answer for one yet also reach many.

I write under this pseudonym to protect my true identity as I travel solo and also to keep some anonymity as I coach clients around the world. In coaching I need to hold a neutral space to support and empower my clients’ dreams and goals, so showing up weighed down with the oversharing that often comes with free-flow blog-writing would not likely support my career as a life coach, this is mainly why I blog under a pseudonym although I am a big authenticity advocate, which is why I also do this blog thing- to express myself authentically overcoming my own block and fears. In a way it’s my therapy and if anything in it triggers or inspires others well, that’s great. I created this “Conscious Hipster” alter ego to capture the zeitgeist, as an archetype to inspire those who appreciate style and trends, who like to innovate and are also interested in personal development or heart-centered mindful living.

Coming from more than a decade working in film, media, music, art and style whilst exploring and learning about alternative healing and wellness in my free time- I felt through my diaries to reach out to the stressed out media types, the superficial fashion types and the well-being, yoga and mindfulness light-working types. It excites me, the possibility to mash it all up so there is no divide between consciousness and cool, so that these two states of being can become one or “the norm”. that’s the world I want to live in, a conscious and cool one, an innovative and mindful one, a heart-centered and chic one… at least I am comitted to doing my bit as a “positive change catalyst” and good vibe farmer, bringing out the best in people, knowing myself, accepting myself even loving myself and planting seeds for the ripple effect of love and acceptance out into popular culture.

I plan to take this blog offline and publish it as a book at some point when I feel there is enough relevant, inspiring or useful content and maybe a “happy ending” to this written blog/story which began more than a year ago. Until that day comes for this blog to become a book… I welcome your questions to prompt and inspire my writings, interviews and inquiries. I also look forward to contributing insights and articles to magazines, websites, communities and forums. This is my free-lance work to support my travels and creative endeavours !

If you want me to write for you or interview people for you – please get in touch. I especially love the challenge and mind-puzzle of responding to an editorial brief or philosophical question.

260178_607461555932989_296361929_n 417969_611628692182942_1869774752_n 941827_613652891980522_2127856087_n

Speaking of responding to a brief or question…

Several months ago, a new online magazine contacted me and asked if I would fill out an in-depth questionnaire for them to publish along with my bio, website link and a photo of me. I took the time to answer their questionnaire, it was fun to do and insightful for me to read my answers to their questions. It also felt great to do some promo for others and list a top ten of the most interesting or inspiring people I had met on my travels with links to their websites etc. I took a lot of time to answer their Q&A and I gave them a lot of info and contacts. I did feel momentarily paranoid that they might just be “picking my brain/looking for others to profile/ideas etc” but then their ethos as a magazine seemed cool and positive and they had said they wanted to publish my Q&A so I gave the time to answer it and I gave the insights and info freely to benefit us all- them, me and the people I was writing about. They later contact me asking if I would write an article and gave me a specific brief/theme. I rose to their challenge, also anticipating they were also going to publish the Q&A. I wrote the article to their brief and they got back to me with feedback on my article asking if I could re-write the article from a more inclusive “we” point of view rather than an authoritative “I” point of view. This request threw me, partly as they had never offered to pay me but also partly to be asked to re-write my offering from another point of view…”why hadn’t they asked me to do that in the original brief?”. I had only up until this point published articles for magazines and written blogs in a stream-of-consciousness “I”/me voice. I had to think about that challenge existentially. It made me feel that if I write “we” I have to consider who is/are the “we” that I am addressing and whether trying to be “inclusive” actually becomes “exclusive”. Anyway, without getting too navel-gazey on this subject I actually kind of enjoyed the brain puzzle of understanding why I had only up until that point written articles as “I/me” and ficition/screenplays through the voices of other characters- I had until that point never tried “real journalism” with an authoratative “we”. Maybe this was a sign that it was my time to do just that, so I re-wrote the article from a “we” point of view, assuming that there was a clan of kindred spirits, light seekers and people on a similarily intended path of becoming our best selves in order to better the world. And this is the resulting article (which I am posting here because I was recently kind of saddened to learn that their online magazine endeavour has now folded because they have instead started an online tv channel.

I am publishing it here on my own blog now because frankly I spent much time between answering their Q&A and doing the rewrites from a  different “we point of view” so I would like it up and online somewhere as a sample of a different way of writing for me and also because there might be some good food for thought in this article for you dear reader.

“Walk The Talk”

Artwork by Mark Henson

Artwork by Mark Henson

Today, it seems that a growing number of people are taking an interest in the word consciousness. We know that trends create a zeitgeist and as more people live consciously and mindfully, this can only be a positive evolution in creating a better world. However, is consciousness becoming an easily accessible slew of quotable catchphrases with adopters in danger of becoming too cool for school?

Are we really walking the talk, or just riding the wave?

To me, consciousness means living a life of integrity in thoughts, words and actions. It means an awareness of the impact that thoughts have on the outcome of things and on the reality we are capable of manifesting- as best explained through “the law of attraction”.

Terms like “positive psychology”, “NLP”, “CBT”, “Breathwork” and “Healing” are frequently cropping up in daily conversations as admitting to “having issues” and seeking out therapy are no longer hidden or taboo subjects. More people are waking up to the notion that “the blame game” does not offer desirable results other than the temporary satisfaction of affirming ego or misery.

Our thoughts really do create our reality and when dreams are woven effectively, they can catalyse massive leaps in understanding fulfilment, joyfulness and existence. This also means having an awareness of the impact our words have on creating our reality and also on the energy we exchange with others. It means knowing the knock on effect of actions- often referred to as karma, or the more familiar saying of “what goes around comes around”.

Consciousness is essentially a lifestyle choice requiring active participation, commitment and practise. It is a path that commences once one has begun to scratch beneath the surface and question if there is more to human nature and existence then meets the eye. It is also something that is best learnt through self-observation, reflection and heart-centred sharing.

Whilst training to become a yoga teacher, I remember naively asking my teacher during a satsang (conscious discourse) “How can I possibly be present if I’m also in my head being a mindful observer- wouldn’t that process make me somewhat socially awkward and slow?”. This question got her laughing and she replied “ It takes practise and you quickly get better at making choices from your truth centre not your ego. Then, through the power of choice you are no longer reacting to what is happening around you”. This statement activated an understanding within me that my thoughts, words and actions are all choices that I am free to select, so that I am not merciless in a sea of reactivity and my thoughts no longer control my actions. This is much easier said then done of course, it really does require a shift and an interest in experimenting with new and positive ways of being and living.

Byron Katie’s “The Work” sums up a conscious process with three simple questions very useful to ask when feeling confused or stuck in thinking negatively:

“Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)

Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)

How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without the thought?

Now turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation.”

This is just one example of the many possible ways of becoming more conscious. It is up to an individual to do their homework or ask around and find methods of relating to the self and to others that feels authentic.

Consciousness is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence that I imagine in the future could be taught as part of a “life skills” course in high schools before graduating out and into the adult world.

For me personally, I find deep knowledge buried in the many “new age”, “spiritual” or “self help” books about Zen, meditation, soul purpose, consciousness or mindfulness. There are so many great books on these matters out there by authors such as Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, The Dalai Lama, Byron Katie, Carolyn Myss, Stephen Covey, Dorien Israel and many other great teachers, seekers and authors.

I mostly want to experiment with things I read about such as “paradigm shifts”, “downloads”, “recognizing my inner child”, “observing patterns”, “triggers”, “recapitulation” and “processing”. Another great thing I have learnt is the power of silence, of being still and observing what is really going on within or outside me, beyond the layers of patterns and conditioning. I am constantly surprised at how often we jump to fill the sacred space of togetherness with small talk and needless words. Reading insightful books and meeting great teachers got me on the road to becoming the change I want to see.

Still now, I have one foot in the realms of pop-culture, film, music and style whilst my other foot is mostly chilling out in the lotus position. This creates an interesting balance and also means I face many opportunities to check in with my integrity and observe triggers, moreso when interacting with ego-driven ambitious inner-city characters then when I am meditating in nature or living a holistic community life surrounded by teachers, healers and truth-seekers such as in Findhorn, Scotland or Ubud, Bali. When engaged in the fast paced international creative life, I have the opportunity to model empowering ways of thinking and being and to ask or answer deep questions in order to empower individuals and interactions. As I evolve in my state of consciousness, personal responsibility and integrity, the people I attract into my life personally and professionally seem to mirror my evolution and vibrate at a higher frequency with more positivity and less negativity.

I think consciousness can only become “too cool” when humor is lost and we take ourselves too seriously, being intolerant or preaching and imposing our views of what is right or wrong. Maybe these particular traits would form my own discernment of uncool behaviour.

I really would like to commend anyone who takes an interest in the meaning of consciousness, looking into it, learning about it and eventually showing a way by simply walking the talk.

Wherever we may be in terms of effortlessly or clumsily observing, understanding and incorporating the essence of the word into daily life; may we all work towards becoming our best selves with compassion, humility and a deep belly laugh along the way.

Advertisements

Christmas Gift Ideas

Oh yes it is that time of year…festive season is rapidly approaching and this year I will be near family and old friends as opposed to last year where I was in the less familiar surroundings of Bali and amongst new friends. I had a really great and surreal time last year, celebrating with Dr. Punnu Wasu, Anne Kaarakainen and friends on Christmas Eve after several very intense days of holding space as facilitators for the Oneness healing, consciousness and personal development process. This year though, I am in London surrounded by consumerism and fairy lights. I had no pressure to buy gifts last year as every friend I had was a new friend. So perhaps with family and friends there is an expectation of gift giving around this time of year…even if they still say “make me something”

I feel inspired to write a blog post of gift ideas- based mainly on gifts I am giving this year or would like to receive.

YOKO ONO “Grow Love With Me”

This is a really cool seed kit and as you can see below when it grows- the bean has the word love somehow burnt into it. If you are good with plants this one can and will grow and creep up a trellis or wall.

10850105_10154892278135697_8956049221818220772_n 10513438_10154892276540697_3441564636443565625_n

DVD’s always good gifts, especially if they are of classic or cult films to include in a home library. This year, I am giving “Grace”, “Yves Saint Laurent”, “Man with a Movie Camera”, “Paris is Burning” and “The Act of Killing”.

10801950_10154892275550697_6314442276165459671_n

Palo Santo Pure Incense. This comes from the Amazon and is expensive. It is my favourite scent in the world, which I would describe as a mix of Chocolate, Sandalwood, Mint, Mystery and Magic. It is also one of the most powerful sacred herbs for cleansing negative energies.

10801874_10154892273950697_6206685244661916745_n

Neal’s Yard Remedies 10th Anniversary Edition Wild Rose Beauty Balm

10858535_10154892272160697_3987037991590812821_n

Sephora Rose Facemasks

10610876_10154892270495697_7937512997727051147_n

Manuka Honey- the stronger the better- Adelicious natural antibiotic and immune system booster. A Winter essential.

10858625_10154892269495697_6205146748498006133_n

Chlorella & Spirulina Tablets

10451910_10154892268240697_8996006697906076698_n

Some detox tea as it is also a season for overindulging on the food and booze…

10850104_10154892255350697_7169965154766104332_n-1

Monocle Magazine- Intellectual, nice and chunky & The Forecast an annual trend predicting almanac by Monocle.

10801796_10154892266675697_2488025524781274877_n

Picture Frame by Oliver Bonas

1743567_10154892266395697_4784434133808724980_n

Votivo Scented Candle. (Personally I think any and all scented candles make really great gifts for anyone and everyone- a living space is instantly made cosy by scented candlelight.)

10429321_10154892262240697_3279795063659490252_n

Honkey Tonk Harmonica (Or any musical instrument- ukulele, recorder, hang drum etc retro/vintage kids instruments are especially fun)

9781_10154892260675697_8236142053061583021_n

Jade Yoga Mat because they are colourful, eco, non slip natural rubber mats. Oh and also partly because they have been superduper kind to sponsor me on my global travels by sending over fresh yoga mats to my different locations around the world so that I don’t have to try squashing yoga mats into my suitcases and can be generous in giving them out to people. They also kindly promote me as a yogi on their website along with other cool, passionate yoga teachers around the world. Thanks very much Jade Yoga 🙂 I will be spreading the love and giving some of your eco mats out to people this Christmas too. I love giving a mat to someone when they take their first private lesson with me- it feels like an initiatory gift…a magic carpet to send them flying on their yoga journey.

jade_mat_prod_img01

Modern Muse by Estee Lauder (Some people think giving perfume as a gift is unlucky. I do not, but it really depends on who you are giving the gift to- if it is someone who loves scent then you can’t go wrong with a perfume. My advice is only give scent as a gift if you feel certain that person will love it.) This scent is a winner because it actully smells divine, flirty, fresh ad light and …who wouldn’t love to feel like a “Muse”?

10150528_10154892259720697_8666762208033119898_n

Aesop Unisex Scent Marrakech Intense (Yum Yum Yum I love this scent and it was actually given to me already as a Christmas present by a very thoughtful friend after I mentioned that I loved this scent. IT was a delicious surprise also as I was running very low on the perfume I had created so until this runs out it will be my new signature scent)

1484272_10154892258730697_7772068899098990475_n

“Healing” by David Elliot- this is a signed book about Healing 101 that explains healing and energy work written by a Hollywood actor turned healer.

10670217_10154892257190697_692793695927471885_n

A recent Christmas gift I received and am enjoying. “Find yourself to Help Yourself” a signed copy by Max Kirsten.

10174914_10154892389445697_2721741704499691117_n

A Gift certificate for a one day Raw food cooking/freeshing course with “Nudo & Crudo” in Italy. (I think gift certificates for a 1 day course of any type makes a great gift from cooking to painting to dancing and more. Learning is the best thing ever, so offering someone the chance to learn a new skill or grow in an area of interest is very thoughtful. If you get it very wrong and they are just not interested…well they can always offer it to someone else or back to you.)

10403146_10154892253905697_1897674951235905510_n-1

Interesting, rare, vintage Malibu Tiles being sold by Mangusta Productions in L.A

10400018_10152912690070610_2263361432079955793_n

Beautiful, Affordable, Limited Edition Artprints by Mila Furstova. Created for the new Coldplay album “Ghost Stories”. All proceeds from prints sold go to Kids Company, an awesome London-based Charity. You can buy the prints online here Album Artists

10670217_10154892252315697_5580319601992199657_n

A piece of art is always a great gift, If you know an artist- particularly an emerging artist, then buying a piece of their work can mean the world to them and can also be very cool for someone decorating a new home. It’s good to negotiate with the artist that maybe the giftee might want to exchange it for another piece if they don’t feel it fits in their home.

You can also find great affordable artworks uploaded by the artists, for sale on websites like Saatchi Online Gallery and Sedition Art and Deviant Art

So that’s the bulk of my giving and receiving this Christmas…

On my imaginary wishlist this year are:

A pair of Havaianas for my trip to Bali- I will probably just buy them out there

A pair of Toms for my trip to India.

A pair of Billabong, Roxy or Quicksilver boardshorts with an interesting print, though I am seriously thinking to start creating my own….

A new bikini that will stay in place with the rough and tumble of the waves when I get back on my surfboard…again this is something I may get into making when I’m out in Bali…or co-creating if I am lucky to connect with an experienced swimwear/lingerie designer out there…know anyone? Put them in touch!

A beautiful Sari- which I will pick up in India.

A jewel…I don’t know what yet but I have heard from jewellery designer friends that there are amazing jewellery markets in India where traders go with rare and precious stones. It’s probably easy to get ripped off when you don’t have a clue about how to assess the value of jewels…

I suppose the jewel I might want to find in a market is a black diamond. I find black diamonds seriously mysterious, magical and intriguing.

img-thing

In all honesty though, I don’t need any of this stuff…

It was such a relief to give most of my possessions away one year ago and I have been living out of a suitcase for one year now.

I am a much lighter being.

I pickup funky cheap pieces in charity shops or locally produced creations directly from the makers/designers as I travel.

I also donate constantly to charity shops so there is a turnaround and I am able to continue living and travelling light. I started an online shop one year ago The Conscious Hipster where I sell trinkets, treasures and clothes from my travels. I will soon start selling more of my designer, high fashion and some vintage pieces on there because I have been given or had to buy some more glamorous pieces over the past 6 months for the Cannes Film Festival, The Rome Cinema Festival and for events in L.A, Munich and London. I will soon put some of those cute dresses on my online shop too so they may bring some joyful style into the lives of others and also so I can keep travelling light!

Wishing you a happy and stress-free Christmas, Hanukkah, Yuletide shopping experience and many mistletoe kisses.

I’d love to know about some of the interesting things you are gifting this season.

I still have some gifts to make/buy/give and am looking for some inspiration too so please respond if you have some links to share for unique, eco or conscious gifts to suggest.

I’ll leave you with this cute picture shared by an inspiring website The Mankind Project

10526189_10152964420433628_8636194929665767270_n

Berlin Rocks!

After an amazing week in Berlin I’m ready to sit down and write it out of me… Berlin is such a cool city, alive with the pulse of potential and creativity. I had the rare opportunity to catch up with many family members: sister, 6 cousins, their other halves, my Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle, Great Aunt and Great Uncle.

My sister and I found a fantastic rooftop apartment in Prenzlauerberg on airbnb that only cost 40 euros a night. Every morning began with a meditation on the rooftop and most sunsets too. It was really magical to see Berlin from the perspective of a private rooftop. Airbnb is where it’s at for me if I’m going to spend a week or more somewhere and so far all of my experiences with it have been great.

I re-connected with Nick Mockridge, the Creative Director of Like A Wild Beast’s Fur which is a monthly event fusing techno and conceptual theatre at Berlin’s notoriously hard to get into nightclub Berghain. We got to celebrate his birthday twice- once at an intimate dinner in his art loft, where I was very happy to make a massive salad for the night; and on another occasion in a huge loft event space which was catered by some very creative gourmet chefs with several Berghain DJ’s, Nick Mockridge aka Anonymous Love and his 17 year old brother “DJ Thumbsucker” hitting the decks so we could dance the night away dressed in “Shabby Chic” eclectica.

I also made it down to dive into the street party celebrations- 25 years since the fall of the Berlin Wall. There were white balloons all around Berlin, where the wall once stood and at 7pm on Nov 9th they were all released and floated up to the heavens whilst people cheered and cried and Peter Gabriel sang “We could be heroes” which David Bowie had originally recorded in Berlin.

11_lichtgrenze_engelbecken__c__kulturprojekte_berlin_whitevoid_christopher_bauder__foto_daniel_bueche 11456-ij8xgj

A new friend Louise took us to a beautiful yoga studio- Spirit Yoga- where we did a very hardcore power yoga class with Adam Rice. He’s a great teacher and his advanced class highlighted for me how easy I like to take it and how quickly I can loose my strength. I have been doing Iyengar yoga in Italy-in Italian and it is very much about realignment which is what I felt I needed after spending many hours transcribing video footage and editing on the computer. Getting back into ashtanga was very intense for my body but also motivating as I am determined to get stronger so I can hit the waves and surf when I return to Bali next year. Strength is a must for surfing along with balance which I seem to still have from my lighter almost daily yoga practises. I think it’s time for me to step up though and return to Birkam or Ashtanga yoga training- for the physical and mental strength it catalyses. Where in the world is my favourite AShtanga yoga teacher Danny Paradise? It’s important for yoga teachers to have a daily practise but it can become a lot maybe even too much when teaching on top of it. Luckily my teaching is mostly one on one and is a mix of life coaching and yoga, so I’m not physically pushing it by practising and teaching everyday… I’m really looking forward to 5 Rhythms dance and Yogabeats when I’ll be in London for a few weeks.

I got to hangout and have an art day and visit a ton of art galleries with music producer Lenny Mockridge and Izzie Baxter, the lead singer of my favourite new band “Black Honey”.

The highlight of the gallery tours for me was visiting Blain Southern’s massive gallery in what was once “Die Zeit” newspaper headquarters- a HUGE space! That whole area is full of galleries and the area even offers a gallery map- definitely a great way to spend a day in Berlin.

I caught up with Matthew Mockridge who is the co-founder of Neon Splash Paint Parties which are massively taking off in Europe and drawing huge crowds for their interactive colourful raves.

My sister and I hit several vintage shops and found them full of amazing pieces. I picked up two long 1970’s dresses, a thick Tirolean sweater and a yellow knitted cape.

Being with family for my Grandmother’s birthday was so comforting- just completely being myself and feeling such gratitude and wonder for us all being in the same place at the same time to celebrate with her- she is incredible and her life story is unbelievable.

My Godmother Margie Kinsky was in town too, doing her new one woman show. It is based on her new book which has made it onto the German bestsellers list- Go Girl! Ich bin so wild nach deinem Erdbeerpudding

On a slight come down after such a fun week in an exciting action-packed culturefull city but today was a really inspiring day back in Italy too, so I’m going to write a seperate blog post just about today.

One last thing please checkout, rent, buy, download, share this Independent movie that I was involved in making 5 years ago in NYC. We are all really happy that it is finally available worldwide so more people can learn about the internal struggles and PTSD faced by soldiers returning from war. It was appropriately released worldwide on November 11th 

Bye for now

BERLIN ROCKS!!!

Rome International Cinema Festival

I’m here attending the festival on a last minute decision as a Producer and am grateful to be recognized as one worthy of giving a last minute pass to. It wasn’t easy though, there was a lot of paperwork involved in getting a last minute pass but it reminded me of that familiar old lesson- doing the paperwork mostly pays off. That goes for funding opportunities, artist residencies, festival submissions and more. Putting time into the paperwork and doing what needs to be done can help to open doors to the expected and the unexpected.

Now here and midway through this festival, feeling a need to start blogging… if nothing else to keep track of all that I am seeing and learning and doing this week.

1406714929888_0570x0342_1406714951773

I kicked off the festival by watching the sunset on the rooftop of The Bernini Hotel, where many people in suits had gathered to say hello to each other. It’s always a bit intimidating to go to a party unsure of knowing anyone there but I am getting accustomed to rocking up to events on my own and just looking around at people’s energy. Within moments of stepping onto the rooftop I got into conversation with a major Israeli film distributor and a French film sales agent. We swapped cards and were abruptly interrupted by a Producer who wanted to tell me about a very big budget film he has been developing and is seeking a co-producer for. I had to let him down gently and say that I was probably not that big player Co-Producer he was looking for but that I would love to read his script. He turned on me and asked “Why should I let you read this script?” and I replied “because you just came up to me and started pitching it to me and the only thing I can offer to do is read it. When I read it ideas and connections may pop into my head and if I like it and can help you make it I will.” He told me about the director he wants to attach and as it happens I have met that director a few times and he immediately offered to cut me a deal if I could get hima meeting with that Director. It was such a whirlwind and I found myself thinking “Why have I got myself into this schmooze game…I really find it all kind of bullshit”. Though I coached myself out of negative thinking and announced that I had to go and attend my first of many film screenings, the premiere of Italian romcom “Soap Opera”. We swapped cards and as he walked away an even better suited Director for his movie popped into my head so I sent him a quick email about that- 4 days later and he has not replied to my email so I am glad I didn’t waste my time getting involved in his slightly paranoid way of operating and in reading or become somehow involved in the goose chase of trying to help attach a big name Director’s to his script.

Here’s the trailer for “Soap Opera” it was cute and full of very modern Italian clichees and subversive dark humour which I felt good to be able understand. It’s something like an Italian take on a “four weddings and a funeral” or an “Almodovar” film with hints of “Shallow Grave” and “Delicatessen” in the art direction, set and costumes. I’m not sure if it will reach a large audience though but definitely Italians around the world would enjoy it and fans of European cinema.

I wanted to go to Asia Argento’s book launch because I really like the thought of making a film in Italy with her, but I couldn’t leg it over to the other side of town in time for that as I had to get dolled up and head over to another huge auditorium cinema for the red carpet European premiere of “Trash”. I gulped when I arrived and saw just how big and long the red carpet parade was (apparently one of the biggest red carpets in the world!) and just how many paparazzos and fans had gathered for it.  I have walked up red carpets before with friends to celebrate their work on big pictures but this was my first walk alone and I looked for another way in before being told to walk up the red carpet- much less painful then waking a plank obviously but still pretty intimidating… I took a deep breath and stood up straight before stepping onto the carpet, half pinching myself that this was really happening- that I was dolledup and walking alone like Alice in Wonderland at a glamorous movie premiere. I love it when life gets wierd in a glamorous way!

I met the Director, Stephen Daldry on the red carpet, maybe he thought he knew me as he said hi and we shook hands and I congratulated him for all his great films and told him I was taking part in a masterclass with him the following day. And then I stopped for a moment as a ton of flashbulbs went off around us, I felt a bit dazed and confused by it all. The film was incredible, also to see it on a huge screen. I felt on the verge of tears a few times throughout. The three young stars were incredible and the story was an interesting mix of a brilliant screenplay and improvised authentic documentary footage. I learnt more about this process and concept of fusing documentary and fiction in the masterclass. IT made a lot of sense to me as I have made both documentaries and fiction and it was inspiring seeing the two forms fused so powerfully together on such a big scale. See this film if you can. It will do for Brazil what “Slumdog Millionaire” did for India. I think the best part of the evening was seeing the expressions on the kids’ faces when the entire audience gave a standing ovation at the end. I felt stunned as I left the screening, I had been hit by an epic and important film- a movie with a social message that was also gripping and entertaining. It definitely gets my vote for The “Best Foreign Film” Academy Award.

Here is the trailer for “Trash”:

The masterclass with Stephen Daldry was insightful, to learn more about how he works, to learn tips about brining the best out of child actors, to learn learn learn and soak up his knowledge with space to ask questions and to give him my buisness cards. I would love to do a “making of” “behind the scenes documentary” on one of his films, but I learnt that his next project is a tv series called “The Crown” so it could be some time before I might get to do a “making of documentary” on one of his films.

I wanted to attend a masterclass with Wim Wenders and the screening of his documentary “Salt of The Earth” but again that event was far on the other side of town and public transport is slow in Rome so I knew I wouldn’t make it. I walked instead to the Bernini Hotel to attend a pitch session where 20 young Italian screenwriters had received funding to develop scripts and were pitching them to Producers hoping to go into production. It was interesting to hear some great ideas written and developed by writers under 30. I may have found one or two I’d like to work with on an idea that has been bubbling in my head every time I come to Italy, for a film I’d like to make in Italy…maybe with Asia Argento.

I heard very good reviews of the Wim Wenders & Juliano Ribero Salgado co-directed documentary “Salt of The Earth” and was a bit sad to have missed it so I will definitely try to see that when it is publicly available.

Here’s the trailer:

I then went to the screening of a Japanese film that just happened to be premiering at the cinema on Piazza Barberini shortly after I left the script pitches so I thought why not just watch this film- there were a lot of people linedup to se it and one of the benefits of a Producer’s pass is being able to just walk in and watch any of the films (other then the big red carpet Gala premieres which have to be pre arranged or invitation only). The filmmaker Miike Takashi had been awarded the “Maverick Director Award” as he has made over 100 films in Japan, many of which are live action manga adaptations and very stylistic violent films. Italy also has a track record of producing stylistic violent films and there is definitely an audience for gore- although it is not my genre of choice to create or to watch.

Here’s the trailer for “As The God’s Will” :

This Japanese film was very surreal and very violent, I don’t like watching violence or gore particularly but this was mostly done in an over the top or artistic way; such as red marbles pouring out instead of blood when people got killed… at the beginnig at least. It just got darker, gorier and more twisted as the film went along. It was like a live action version of a wierd manga cartoon. It felt like a social commentary on voyeurism, reality tv, violent video games and the sort of Japanese schadenfreude gameshows where someone is being chased by a giant bowling ball afraid for their life yet laughing hysterically whilst being sprinkled with giant evil giggling kitsch killer toys and a jpop all star looking cast of beautiful and talented young Japanese actors. God in this film is a man locked into his bedroom coding scripts for these teenagers to act out like they are his puppets and writing dark games for them to play where inevitably someone dies at the end of each game or test. At one point during the film I scribbled a line down on a piece of paper, about how they were all being tested on their intelligence, fitness, imagination and luck. I know I am going to have some crazy dreams after seeing that nightmarish film. It was definitely too long at 2 hours. I found myself squirming in my seat feeling tortured by beeing forced to watch the violent and sadistic “killing games” they were playing over and over again and considered getting up and walking out but nobody in the cinema left their seats and I was kind of both disgusted and fascinated hoping it might resolve itself have a deep moral story and a happy ending… I’m sure it will be banned in America for it’s violence and killings in a highschool setting and it’s not a film I feel people will benefit from seeing. However, it does have all the ingredients to become a cult film appreciated mostly for it’s wierdness, art direction and violence that particularily video gamers, horror/gore and Japanese Anime/Manga cartoon fans will appreciate.

Tomorrow morning I have an early start with Italian grammar lessons yuck I really do not enjoy studying grammar but it does make me a better speaker. Then I’m going to do a couple of back to back skype coaching and creative consultancy sessions before dressing up in a vintage and New Romantic-inspired look for another walk down that long red carpet and the European premiere of “Soul Boys of The Western World” about Spandau Ballet The Movie.

I have taken a lot of meetings with international distributors here to discuss my Guerrilla fiction feature film made in London and the documentary I have been independently producing and filming this year in Indonesia. This seems to be a market for more mainstream yet still experimental films- people are definitely signing deals her to international distributors and it’s been great to connect with so many, especially the ones who are known for purchasing film rights early before a project gets popular! It also gives me new energy for future projects- to be able to run them by and possibly get a distribution deal before going into production- even to finance the production… this could take filmmaking to a new level for me and so it makes it seem worth the while to go to festivals and connect with distributors for everything I have already made and everything I will go on to make- it’s also good to meet people face to face and look for real connections that will be energizing and have longevity rather than dealing with emails and anonymity.

Distributors look at my a bit blankly when I raise the topic of a documentary or tv series about healers and in particular sound healing. I have expressed how my interest is also on the varied journeys people have taken to become healers. One distributor suggested that it would be more interesting if I made an investigative expose film called “Shamans or Charltans?” to expose the dark side of lightwork: corruption, lack of integrity and money driven side of “healing” but that’s not the kind of work I am on a mission to make and that would also drag me down to investigate and expose corrupt healers. I am sure there are of course healers taking advantage of people who are troubled and or sick but I have been very lucky to meet so many healers who live and practise with heart and great integrity. I feel compelled to shine a spotlight on the good ones and currently feel some fusion of Anthropologist, Musicologist and Promoter of the concept and benefits of “Sound Healing” and and quite literally Sound Healers. The Sound of Healing : Project Page

A major TV Channel expressed an interest in the Guerilla feature film I made on a shoestring budget and very quickly in London. That film really needs one last edit, a polish, colour-grade and sound mix for me to feel good about sending it to a broadcaster for their consideration…although it is currently being submitted as a work-in-progress to festivals for a premiere. I’m hoping it will be accepted to a good festival and then I will be able to get the support to have these essential final stages of post-production carried out….and it would of course be incredible if it ended up being broadcast on television!

Ah life is fun with one foot in a platform heel and one foot in the lotus position!

To be continued…

Hi again so part two…

I thought to make this a separate blog but really it’s a roundup of the rest of the festival so prefer to pack it into one.

I attended the Spandau Ballet premiere, with another slow-motion walk up the long red carpet. Secutiry was tighter for this one and clearly Spandau Ballet are massive in Italy as the throngs of fans behind the barricades suggested. I wore a vintage balck and gold spandex 1980’s shoulder padded catsuit with my red recycled leather jacket and a lot of heavy eyeliner, hair backcombed and flipped over to one side. I was going for a New Romantic inspired look. It’s really so much fun to dress up for movies- especially when there is a theme. Getting ready for this premiere reminded me of going to see “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” as a teenager and the imaginative effort that went into creating a look for that. It was exciting to see the whole band together again on the red carpet and as they made a parade into the auditorium to introduce and sit through the film the audience were screaming and going wild! The film was good, I particularly loved the archive footage from the early pre-famous Blitz Club days also featuring Boy George, Leigh Bowery, Steve Strange and Philip Sallon (who almost became my manager at one point when I was making music. I love that man!)

It was a moving story of a band of London teenagers suddenly hitting the big time, then breaking up and then making up. It was also interesting to learn about the rivalry and then strong friendships with Duran Duran. One quote that stood out from the film was “There are only three things that breakup a band- sex, drugs and ego” In their case, as in many cases it was ego that brokeup the band and the songwriter’s need to control that only he would write the songs “for fear that someone else might do it better than him”- which eventually meant that after years of handwork all the other band members got screwed by his ego. It was very humble of him to admit that awareness and ill possibly be a cautionary tale to current successful bands- not to let drugs, sex, money or ego breakup the band. It all got much more positive towards the end when the band decided to reunite and return to what they loved doing in the first place -making and performing hit songs and lifting the spirits of the audience. This movie and premier was also an announcement of their comeback tour.

On another note…

I am slowly getting over the shock of the terrifying events that took place in Ottawa and in Canadian Parliament. A crazygunman ran through Ottawa shooting and killing a soldier, then ran into Parliament shooting open fire, shooting several people with a big gunfight culminating in Parliament and ultimately the gunman being taken down. It was very scary for me as my brother is working in Parliament and he was in that building, instructed to hide under his desk through the gunfight. The entire building went into lockdown after the gunfight as they tried to assess if their were more gunmen around and then also to deal with the chaos of hysterical people being in lockdown all day. I was very afraid and just prayed hard all day to know my brother was in the building but not to know if he was ok. I am beyond relieved to know he survived the ordeal and my heart breaks for Cpl Corillio and his family who suffered a great loss at the hands of a crazy gunman. I hope that there will be some sort of ceremony of healing for all who spent a day in fear for their lives and lived through the ordeal as well as to heal the building itself- the space needs to be cleared of negative energy…how are people supposed to just return to work as normal without experiencing some kind of trauma/PTSD?

It also made me feel that I have no more tolerance for sensationalized gore and violence in movies. When this traumatic shit happens in real life and someone very close to me was forced to deal with that kind of reality, it just makes no more sense to me to be entertained by sensationalized violence. I suppose it is a part of life- the shadows of the world but right now it would only make sense to me in movies if there is an underlying moral message or is based on real-life events as a factual account- still not my chic of entertainment.

After this day of praying and feeling terrified…I lost a bit of steam for the whole film festival networking thing and most of my enthusiasm for geeing out to watch more movies…still it was quite a full cup and inspiring experience at this year’s Rome International Cinema festival.

My head is down now in right-brained Producer organizational mode as I lineup the final stages of post-production on my my feature film shot in London- aiming for a cast,crew and friends premier there before Christmas. Also, very happy to learn that a feature film my company Co-Produced a few years ago, finally has distribution and will be publicly released on November 11th- very fitting as it is about soldiers returning from war and suffering from PTSD.

Will be back soon with some hopefully inspired learnings and reflections.

I leave you with this funny rap about meditation and to promote the “21day meditation experience”:

“Happy New Now & Cowabunga Namaste”

Baroque n Roll

Firstly, let me begin this post with saying that the “no complaints” experiment was awesome and I committed to it all weekend- not for just 24 hours. I have experienced some serious magic and serendipity occurring in my life since that experiment too, so I am truly mindful now of any complaints that might tumble from my voice box and just sort of biting my tongue if I feel something like a complaint pouring out or even sayng “wow that was me complaining” – in a way to own it and dissolve it. I have realised how complaining is essentially dumping energy onto the listener and I have also realised how often we modern day humans tend to bond through complaining. I don’t want to bond with people tat way- to do that to people or to have people dump their negativity on me. It feels as though in not complaining there has been so much space for positivity opening up in my life and recently it has all been looking and soundeding fantastical…and very baroque.

The highlights of life and learnings recently…

An invitation to the most AMAZING inspiring place I have been to in Italy: Castello Ruspoli where I attended the annual competition of young classical musicians from all around the world.

DSC_0148

DSC_0112

DSC_0110DSC_0102 I dove deep into a 5 hour Baroque immersion as the 6 international finalists delighted our intimate group of writers, musicologists and judges with their mind-blowing talent and professionalism. I particularily enjoyed hearing each of them perform a new and never before performed piece, assembled from archive manuscripts as a composition by musicologist and a previous Ruspoli music prize winner Ana Lombardia Gonzlez. Each gave their own flavour to their own interpretation in premiering the “Tocata Number 3” as well as performing 2 solos and 4 pieces accompanied by my new favourite instrument- the harpsichord.

( the finalists waiting nervously to hear who is the winner below)

DSC_0117

After much contemplation and deliberation between the judges, a new Baroque star was announced- 24 year old Amandine Solano a classic beauty in high stilettos and a biker jacket who was accompanied by her mother on the harpsichord. In between performances I took every opportunity to wander through the intriguing centuries old labyrinths of sacred geometries outside of the fortress-like Castello.

DSC_0099

I honestly felt as though I were in one long lucid dream with an endless score of Baroque performances or instruments being tuned or pieces being rehearsed endlessly echoing through the vast corridors. I also recalled the days of preparing for exams as a teenager and the reccommendation of our in house “learning expert” who taught us to listen to baroque music as we studied for our exams because apparently Baroque helps people to focus and is particularily useful for people with short attention spans or ADD.  It was a great treat to be in a fairytale castle, surrounded by musicians and musicologists – an experience I will cherish greatly. Also of course, the lunches and dinners- the Italian food was “da morire” to die for. And on the final day, classical music appreciators from all over Europe arrived to experience the prize winners performance, which was also recored to be released soon as a cd.

DSC_0131

DSC_0123 94521778c8f6929f47556ec889ce6c22

It also thematically and experientially complemented the subject of sound healing that  I have been focused on with my own research and documenting of the Sound Healers and Shamans I met in Indonesia. I immediately bonded with a film crew from Brazil Owl Filmes who were there making a documentary about the castle’s musical history and the career-changing annual Ruspoli music prize.

All I can say is that after this intense baroque experience my whole body was buzzing and my heart felt as if it had burst wide open. Castello Ruspoli is a very magical place!

I also learnt that they are creating “Fugga Experience”- beginning with a cycling tour, where guests will stay at the Castello, cycle through the stunning landscapes by day and enjoy delicious food and wine by night. They also very kindly suggested I should consider to host a wellbeing retreat there, which is something I would definitely love to do with them and for you! That is something now in the pipelines for 2015. I think it will be a week of yoga, meditation, creative writing, dance, delicious food and some silence- to walk the labyrinths in silence and see what inspiration arises. Many years ago, Handel lived in the castle as an artist in residence and he composed some of his most well-known works whilst there.

I also discussed getting some recordings of the classical baroque instruments to have a play with some electronic-baroque remixes…so I have some interesting sonic experiments ahead of me too.

Before heading up to Vignanello I had been listening to music along these lines by Benjamin Skepper and Gabriel Prokofiev– so perhaps I had actually put the law of attraction into action by manifesting my Baroque immersion experience at Vignanello!

Upon returning to the hustle and bustle of city life, I was invited to attend the opening of an exciting classical-contemporary fusion exhibition by British Art Star Mat Collishaw in the  Galleria Borghese Rome.

DSC_0139

The main work presented was a very large scale sculpture that also functioned as a zoetrope which would sporadically spring into action with a whir and as it began to spin with lights flickering all the miniature marble sculptures became animated- they literally sprang to life. It was mesmerizing and a true masterpiece. He also presented large elaborate black framed looking-glasses throughout the museum, where after a few moments of gazing at myself surrounded by great masterpieces, a classical renaissance style painting would emerge on the mirror’s surface and slowly begin to move- to come alive. He was literally breathing life into the classical masterpieces and explained that it was all created in response to what he felt and imagined when looking at the classical pieces in the museum. To see his works sandwiched between famous masterpieces by Titian, Caravaggio and Bernini amongst others seemed to make an official public statement that his works are recognised as great contemporary masterpieces in their own right and in my opinion they are works that will stand the test of time and live on in the future as classical works of our time.

MIRROR...ZIE web_Mat-Collishaw_Galleria_

Here’s a great little film about the new exhibition: Mat Collishaw : Vogue

I am truly blown away by witnessing all this classicism-futurism fusion in art and music and in my life at the moment too as I skip through the streets in vintage dresses and a recycled red leather biker jacket.

It seems that most Italians prefer new designer brand name clothing, which means there are a lot of great designer vintage wardrobe treasures to find in Italy. I have always found great pleasure in having an eagle eye and being able to spot jems amongst masses of vintage rails. It’s also perhaps a conscious style- to source second hand and vintage shops and recycle for individual chicness. Rome has some great vintage shops full of old Gucci, Missoni, Valentino, Moschino as well as many small “artigenale” shops where the designers can be seen inside working away on their sewing machines and are also very happy to customize their creations to your colour preference and tailor to your size.

I am loving everything about life here and now.

I am bursting with gratitude and wonder.

Definitely no complaints. Baroque n rollin’!

There’s no place like Rome

I clicked my heels with a one two three and was transported from Cali to Canada to England to Germany and have finally landed on my feet here in Italy. All this movement truly makes me feel like a restless shape-shifting Dragonfly and I have discovered a new longing to stay in one place for a while… I thought that would be California because I was really so very happy out there riding horses and surfing but I am here now and maybe this is where I am meant to be, for a while anyway…Romeing.

urlAs I write today, I am streaming Trent Reznors & Atticu Ross’ new score for feature film “Gone Girl”. I suggested you click on this link: Gone Girl,  press play and listen to the same music as me as you readon.

If you find the experimental and industrial nature of Reznor’s productions is not to your taste then try any of the artists listed in this article for some top rated Conscious DJ’s & Producers…also a perfect soundscape for reading this blog.

It’s been a whirlwind and I am so grateful to have caught up with so many beloveds across the globe in such a short space of time and to have made it to the wedding of a very very dear friend, shed a few tears when I first saw her step out in the stunning Westwood dress and danced wildly, high on jetlag and exhaustion for two nights in a row.

So, what’s keeping me on the conscious trail at the moment.

Yoga of course, I am back to being a student for a bit to improve my Italian. I am studying Iyengar yoga in Italian which is quite fascinating as I know the moves and the postures so well by know that I do them with my eyes closed so hearing all the directions and body parts in another language whilst I am moving seems to embed the language deep into my cells. And I just love the sound of Italian, the way it rolls like a soothing lullabye- in a yoga class at least not when you hear the way people shout at eachother or debate animatedly along the cobblestone streets. I’d love to be able to teach some classes here in Italian so I have also signedup for a language course. The course is SO much fun and more surreal than I ever imagined a language course to be. I do two hours a day of “conversatione”, discussing art, culture and current events all in Italian. I know my Italian is rapidly improving from this immersion yoga, daily life and conversatione all in Italian and I feel like I am getting smarter too- we actually debate what is in the news and it is such a fabulous motely crew of characters; each of us with completely different points of view. I love this little microcomsic celebration of diversity within a language class. And the best part is that it involves cooking lessons too in Italian of course- though really sort of glutinous pasta pizza type of recipes that are not actually in my diet- but every once ina  while a little gluten can be reeeeallly delicious eve if I feel like passing out and sleeping for hours afterwards. Gluten is basically glue in the stomach yuck.

After my morning Italian conversation class I sit down and go through rushes of the sound healing footage from Bali. I am looking for direct in roads to Channel4 or the BBC to see if they may comission this as a series and am half jotting down pitches for them. I intend to do that next- submit proposals for this project and what it could grow into as a series to Channel 4 and the BBC as I slowly assemble a roughcut at my own pace with the hopes that I will be enlisting the services of a professional editor in Cali or in London to polish it. I feel such a sense of duty now to all who let me film them, that is the thing I hate about having a camera is that moment when people start asking you when they can see a finished piece and it’s always waaaay before I am ready  to show anything or else a big hassle to try and meet the requests by digitising and transferring photo or video files to help them promote themselves or their buisness…. I guess as far as this project goes…I am working on it right now as a producer- submitting applications to tv and documentary comissioners and as an editor by assembling a roughtcut. Frankly it feels like I have bitten off more then I can chew right now and I at times want to smash the computer and just be fully presnt in Italy but then that would be sabotage as this computer is full of my words, songs and videos so I wont smash and I do frequently back it all up and I do just keep on trucking with more then I can chew in my gob as has always been the creative norm for me  “Go Bold or Go bust”. I have a new work mantra too now it is

QUALITY OVER QUANTITY & PASSION OVER POWER (Repeat 10 times everyday.)

I’ve also been revisiting the four agreements. Slightly wondering why I haven’t had this stuck on a fridge or somewhere obvious so I could read it everyday too.

10419578_10152713379843535_5354025454962250550_nI’ve also embraced a new affirmation that I stumbled upon when I was surfing podcasts. Finding this quote made me feel really sad for a moment as I realised just how hard I have tried to impress people throughout my life and how much of a relief it would be to stop doing that. To know that I am enough, that I have a ton of experiences and skills under my belt and to start paying more attention to who shows up and seems interested in me- personally and professionally rather then being a “let me entertain you” dancing monkey which I have definitely been at times too. I would like to become like a kung fu master who knows they could kill someone with their skills but would never do it for that is the integrity of a true master- to embody all that they have learnt and know whilst remaining humble, kind and honest- well yikes that’s a lot of work for me to do still- maybe I should take up Kung fu rather than just using it as a metaphor.

10418181_702435966461172_6657695785622582392_n

I love podcasts and one of my favourite ways to relax is to have a long soak in a very hot bubble bath and listen to podcasts- usually about sex, tantra and relationships or maybe Ted Talks with passionate speakers ranting about empowerment, authenticity and healing…or maybe some kind of amazing music mix I find on soundcloud when I don’t want to hear the voice of anyone preaching or teaching at me.

I was recently reminded that it is not important to strive for mastery of the self but rather to work on self-acceptance every step of the way, forgiving myself for clumsy slipups, negative thinking and unconscious/lower vibration thoughts. words or actions- that is probably very much the true key to happiness- self acceptance.

I am becoming very aware these days of when my thoughts, words or actions are coming from a darker lower vibration place of fear, anger, mistrust, jealousy, control or a higher vibration place of love, and trusting that everything is as it should be.

I have been challenged massively a few times with this and what I notice as a repeat pattern is that everytime I listen to the darker materials and chose the lower vibration words or actions…things just get well worse! When I rise above and consciously choose to let go of controlling situations, to trust that all will be well- whadda ya know things work out just fine. So that’s a daily practise and I know in a place like Ubud or Findhorn or Esalen everyone is going around operating in that sort of conscious way but in all the cities I have been to- L.A being the worst actuall probably I can’t help but judge that people are just mostly ambitious, tough, vampires, schmoozing, using and looking for the next best thing… competing to be the best or get ahead and behaving in pretty ruthless ways seeming to have no conscience or sense of karma at all…

L.A is full of bulldozers!

I know thats a severe judgement and not a very fair statement but more of an observational stereotype…I met some good people living in Venice and reconnected with a bit of an angel who was one of my sort of mentors over the years so it’s not all dangerous there. Please recognize my judgements as low vibe silliness and take them with a pinch of salt and maybe even lol right now (cue the canned laughter from Friends).

For example, I was there in L.A for a meeting with a big film Producer about a project that I really want him to put into development, A filmmaking girl I have met once at a dinner party runs over shouting my name and gives me a space invading hug and sits down on the empty chair beside me, then proceeds to introduce herself to the Producer I am talking to and grills him about who he is and what he does and then seems to have no emotional intelligence or a ruthless determination as she dominates the table, pitching her movie project, flirting and moving in to sit really close to him, sends him a friend request on facebook whilst sitting there and then takes off with a wave. I felt bulldozed by this Alpha female who pretended to be my friend but wasn’t acting like a friend. and how did I deal with it? I shrank back and started to feel myself shutting down whilst  the coach voice in my head was saying “NO! Do not dissappear, do not become small, do not start to doubt your own worth… you need to be fully present right now and firing on all cylinders to impress this guy who might make your movies see the light of day in a big way”. As soon as she had left I shifted gears out of dealmaker mode and just wanted to chill so we might both want to hangout more and eventually work together on this project or something else. I really didn’t want to bombard him with ideas anymore after her intrusive intensity. The rest of our lunch was pretty pleasant but internally, I was struggling to shake off that fairly random person’s energy.

In hindsight that would have been a great moment for me to put up an energetic shield or just excuse myself maybe or even point blank told her to please go away because she was interrupting our meeting and I only had one day to make my movie dreams in Hollywood come true and these were really important meetings for me and she was messing with them…..or maybe I could have just sat back and enjoyed the show more, practising the art of detachment and learning how the bulldozers network in Hollywood…

I sometimes I feel easily drained by dominant personalities- the sort who laugh or speak loudly to be heard and seen totally irks me unless they actually are funny…

I also sometimes feel drained by the weight of other people’s problems and secrets. I am a keeper of secrets and I am proud of knowing I am very good at that…but I think it can be alienating to be so super sensitive or at times full of other people stuff. Sometimes being “strong” for others both professionally and personally can get a bit too much for me, so I do cleansing ceremonies with sage and palo santo, crystals and chanting to clear and heal and create space for me to show up more and to fully be present and at peace…to radiate my own frequency instead of absorbing those of others- that is really important stuff which I am realising is a necessity for survival- grounding and clearing!.

I don’t like to appear weak….which is stubborn so must be a part of my shadow…

I have learnt thought that that is inauthentic to always want to appear brave and strong.In a way this blog is about undoing that part of me that wants to rescue others and often ends up feeling drained in the process. This is about me eploring my inner maze and trying to make sense of that point where the inner world and the outer world meet and becoming more human and soft in the process…unless I am having a bad day or a down day and then the rants get heavier and expose much more of me then I would dare to put out there under my own name.

I have just sat down to do a small writing assignment which was completely inspiring and which I found very emotional. I have been writing letters to my teenage self and also from my future self to me now. It’s an experiment really. I believe in the law of attraction and I am experimenting with writing my life story from the point of view of a much older me looking back and also writing from my own point of view full of advice to a much younger me…I am very curious to see if anything of these almost predicitions will manifest and I am also full of blocks about wanting to write down only what I do actually want to manifest not what I don’t want to manifest- careful what you wish for right?

There is probably a book in all this but one I probably will not publish until I am dead. I will deliver it all as a document in a few days and upon first sitting down to write it, out poured about 20 000+ words over a few hours…and that is only the tip of the iceberg really of what I could deliver on that subject….when it flows it flows…

I am going to keep doing this blog thing until November at least and then I would like to publish a blogbook. There is definitely enough material and imagery up here for a book and I feel that “The Conscious Hipster” is a Zeitgeist title. I would flesh it out though with more handwritting lists, tips, quotes and ponderings I would like to maybe insert some interviews with well known speakers on the subjects of style and consciousness to deliver a book that is a eeting of those two worlds through my curated and mostly created text and imagery. I would like to publish a book that everyone I know would buy and give to their friends as a present (hopefully because the like it and not just to support me).

That’s my intention- one year of blogging and then I have more then enough content for a book. That would be one month away then so if you know a publisher who might be a good fit and if youare a publisher and you are reading this and you want to give me a book deal or an advance to keep blogging or just stop blogging and write it out as a book- I am very seriously up for that kind of a deal!

8671_632993876713090_1490941912_n

1013977_640390369306774_1439148700_n

945908_636531579692653_273390718_n

1488656_782941625051647_5154373483697577485_n

Back to the consciousness…..and walking the talk….I know that’s all I really have to do in this lifetime and everything else is a frilly bonus. I just have to live, lern, grow and walk the talk- practise what I preach or better yet not preach at all just ramble it all out in freeflowing blogposts from time to time…and take some advice from Gandhi-Ji

“Be the change that I want to see”

Every step of the way and everyday…. be mindful of and forgive myself for the mistakes I make along the way.

Until the next time

(Are you a publisher or do you want me to write for you? Maybe you just want to say hello or tell me about the cool stuff you make or do? You can contact me here)