I’m inspired to post about the Kundalini yoga which I have been practising for the last few days with Dani Durgani aka Jiwanpal Kaur. My friend and neighbour golden Oneness Goddess and devotional singer Harmony Polo invited me to take an early morning class with her and in that first class my kundalini energy was activated but it got stuck in the manipura chakra more specifically at my liver which began to hurt and metaphorically “speak to me”. Now chakras are one of the most fascinating aspects of yoga to me and Kundalini Yoga very much focuses on connectiing, charging and balancing the chakras and energy body, moreso then other forms of yoga it feels a more spiritual energy-based yoga tradition. I love exploring the different styles of yoga on offer out here and around the world, also continuing to learn from amazing teachers. This current exploration of Kundalini is definitely raising my vibrations and that is very much in line with the intention I set for 2014 (see New Year’s Eve blog). I have also been introduced to the beautiful healing sounds of Snatam Kaur which is played at the end of a Kundalini yoga class.
At breakfast after the morning class, a fellow yogi suggested I write a letter to my liver and ask it for any information it might be trying to send me.
So I did it, I wrote a letter to my liver and it told me to “Say YES to speaking my truth as frequently as possible, despite being pretty certain at times that someone may react negatively to what they hear. Allow others the power to own their reactions, it is not doing anyone a favour to be nice in an attempt to help them avoid pain. Speak your heart-centered truth more and often and ask friends and loved ones for support in this process. Express a support of this authentic truth-speaking in others as well. Invite it in as a normal way of communicating and co-create a conscious community of truth speaking, heart centered relationships and collaborations. Also please say NO to alcohol and sugar. One glass of champagne or very good red wine as a rare exceptional treat is fine but no beer guzzling when you are surfing at the beach and no cocktails when you are celebrating or jetsetting. Beer is fattening and cocktails are just sugary poison.”
Wow what clear demands this dear liver was asking for! I know that it was also shifting and clearing some gunk from the Cloves I had developed a sudden and very irritating penchant for since returning to Bali.
I was really upset with myself for returning to smoking and filled with shame about it. I somehow justified it to myself that they weren’t really cigarettes because they were made with cloves and tasted like sugar and cinnamon and smelled delicious like incense…but that was complete and utter bullshit and the underlying truth is that I was feeling very anxious about the mountainous video workload I have built up- I am speedy with shooting but slow with editing…anxious about my new housing situation after a dissapointing return and not ending up living with the friends I had planned, hoped and wanted to rent with here so ending up alone in a big house for a few weeks ( ha could be a lot worse!) and a need to negotiate boundaries around the new people who had been proposed to move into the spare bedrooms…flatmates yikes…space invadors yikes…not being in control of my home live and work space yikes…it all triggered me to the max and got me falling back on an old familiar crutch of smoking again in a lame attempt to claim my space or starting hurting myself into consciousness or something…
Anyway I was sitting in a warung puffing on a clove and feeling so mad at myself for doing so at the same time. I struck up a conversation with a women at the tbale next to me who happened to be a retreat leader/creator, a naturopath, acupuncturist, and hypnotherapist specialising in quit smoking therapy…ANGEL!
“I really need your help right now” is what I said. I told her I had been praying for someone like her to help me kick these nasty cancer sticks to the curb…I had been doing so well without them for months and in just one casual puff I was once again hooked for a few days…
So that was 2 weeks ago and a few days later she came over to my house and we recorded her doing an empower hypnotherapy session around how disgusting cigarettes, cloves and any toxins are….I asked her to please suggest that when I may get acraving to smoke, that I have the consciousness to really feel into my emotions and ask “what am I feeling right now” to name it internally and to repeat the mantra “this too shall pass”. This process gets easier as the cravings diminish but it’s quite amazing how the addiction can restart after only a few days of unconsciously smoking.
So Here I am on day 6 now smoke free and back on the “smoking is disgusting” mindset, the hypnotherapy session definitely helped me, the mantra I chose of “This too shall pass” has been overriding any possibility of running to a shop and buying some cloves to smoke. I am determined to live a smoke free life and to ride these waves of emotion and cravings into consciousness, into knowing exactly what I am feeling when I am feeling it and not numbing any underlying pain with toxins. I really am getting to a place where I love myself too much to treat this body temple badly with toxins like alcohol and cigarettes. I love feeling conscious and alive too much to pollute my physical and energy body with toxic gunk and I love life too much with all it’s wonder and synchroncity and kismet…to shorten my time here on earth in this beautiful curious feminine form.
So far it has worked… I don’t want to smoke, I tam back to thinking it’s disgusting, I can override any cravings and am paying even greater attention to what is really going on inside me which of course also gives me greater empathy for the silent struggles that others may be grappling with too.
If you are in Bali or want to work with Anne Maree on skype to quit smoking or with a number of other things she is an expert in treating. Checkout her website here Bali Vitality
After working through that over these last few days I have just noticed how the intense kundalini exercises strengthen my aura and energy body. Something seems to be shifting in the way people to relate to me. I have noticed that I am becoming more in demand as a photographer, videographer, writer, marketing consultant and just generally being invited to more meetings and rendezvous….getting asked out on dates and a high dose of romance injected into my life would be fun… though I’m currently finding myself wary of socialising ( so how can anyone ask me out?) and short on time ( so how can I go out?) as I have piled up a mountain of videos to edit and now have a greater need to use the word “NO” effectively and not to waste time on storytelling excuses as to why I am using the word NO but just to say it strongly and clearly with love and then let go of FOMO (Fear OF Missing Out) or wanting to be liked by people. I know that using a strong heartfelt NO creates more space for me to lovingly apply myself fully and effectively to anything I say YES to…such as romance ha!
I have also become more energised and pro-active although the challenge for me right now is tapping into the lucid, creative intuitive side that loves to and needs to write (a script) right now…I am charged up on the doing/being present energy and I’m working on reconnecting a bit with my loner, emo super creative side- so perhaps thats where I need to do some more serious work…on being present in this world fully proactive and firing on all cylinders yet still very connected to my dreamy, intuitive nature and imagination…
I know I am most creative when I spend a lot of time alone but this is of course quite a lonely process too…so perhaps the world is throwing some big challenges at me right now like “step up to it lady- this is your time to both make shit happen and come up with great ideas and creations”. Always up for a challenge I am rising to it.
Also super excited to get involved with this year’s Bali Spirit Festival. With an inspiring lineup of world famous musicians, artists,speakers and yoga teachers it will be an action-packed week long experience for all those lucky enought to be out in Bali at that time March 19-24th some tickets still available!
I did my first private Indonesian Bahasa lesson yesterday with a lovely teacher called Ibu Ayu and it is a super challenging language filling me with admiration for any expats who learn to speak Bahasa- am I really going to manage it? Seems to me that there are some familiar links in some of the words to spanish and latin which helps me to grasp it a bit better, but so many words with difficult vowel sounds to explain a simple thing…will it stick? Let’s see…. I started writing some phrases down and got into a deep discussion with the teacher about some of it and ended up writing down this little chunk of words in English and in Bahasa.
Saya Panulis, Film Producer, Fotografer dan Guru Yoga
Ubud adalah tempat yang bagus untuk belajar banyak hal tentang hidup, seperti seni kebahagiaan.
Ibu Ayu bertanya “Bagaimana caranya?”
Jawaban saya: Selalu bersyukur. Setiap kesempatan itu berharga.
Ibu Ayu bertanya “Baik kebahagiaan maupun kesedihan?”
Jawaban saya:”Pelajaran tersembunyi
I’m a Writer, Filmmaker, Photographer and Yoga Teacher
Ubud is a good place to learn many things such as the art of happiness.
Ibu Ayu asks “How to be happy?”
I say ” By practising gratitude. Every moment is precious”
Ibu Ayu asks “both happiness and sadness are precious?”
I say “Yes. Lessons in disguise”.
Well this seemed to make sense at the time and between trying to absorb a multitude of Bahasa phrases ( most of which I have forgotten today) it was fun to try communicating a deeper conversation between English and Bahasa.
Early today prompted by a video an amazing friend shared on facebook…I sat down to write a free flow on the themes of Integrity, Sexuality, Desire and Boundaries.
Wow such powerful themes to write about and certainly more than a books worth of material if I were to write about just those themes…very revealing.
I am very interested in dialogue and to collect stories on these themes with other single people, people who are walking a conscious path, people who are leading accountable lives as teachers, people choosing to live alternative or unconventional lifestyles- a sort of educational sexual Ted Talk/Debate….as a topic sexuality, desire and integrity hasn’t really reached mainstream media yet has it? The subject of the power of sexual energy and the multitude of ways to channel and master sexuality and desire are surely fascinating to many on the solutions and magnified life experiences such mastery can create…anyway that’s for another blog perhaps….an exploration of Tantra!
Whilst writing on the themes of sex and sexuality I am of course listening to Dakas/Dakinis/Tantrikas Deva Premal, Miten and Manose
Also wanted to share some images which I recently shot in a lush jungle garden for a collective world music funk jam band based in Bali called “Garden Underground”.
Garden Underground visionary Producer & Bali Sprit Festival Music Director Rob Webber
Also excited to share an idea for crystal healing “Conflict Resolution” jewellery that came to me in a flash download and that I shared with friend, author and healer Jelila (who I have been learning a lot about crystal and energy healing from over the past few months) Well our co-creation of green agate for understanding, rose quartz for soothing and fresh water pearls for divine wisdom has gone intoo production and I am the proud owner of the first two pretty prototype samples. You can order your own to wear and bring awareness to/clear away any inner or outer conflicts or as a perfect gift for a friendship that may need some healing. Click on the image below for a direct link to Jelila’s online shop.
Now I have some serious homework to do…back to the documentary script-writing!
May your days and nights be full of love in all it’s many forms…
Bye for now