A Return To Innocence

Wow, yesterday was full on intensity but really in a very god way.

The day began with a meditation and then yoga in the beautiful big upstairs studio at The Yoga Barn taught by Dr. Punnu Wasu which seemed to me like a fusion of Sivananda and Kundalini yoga.

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A few tears came out as I attempted Sun salutions for the first time since my bike accident, my ego took a bashing because I am accustomed to being “ilke, really good at yoga” also it felt super squeamish to tune into whatever smashness was going on with my kneecap. I am visualising it all mending and it is healing up so well that I was able to fully dance on Sunday and then do many sun salutations though slightly wobbly ones yesterday. My stomach muscles are also hurting today from all the “core strength” exercises we did like lying on the back and lifting both the legs up into the air then doing large circles 12 times each direction for a few repetitions.

After yoga we had about 2 and a half hours of teachings and thought provoking questions focused on “Intentions” and how our intentions drive us and how important it is to question ourselves and checkin with things like ” what is the source of my intent?” and “Why do I need what I need?”. I wrote a long list of intentions for myself personally, professionally, romantically- which felt pretty clear and then some notes on why I wanted those things or situations in my life. Then I concocted some pro-active steps I could take towards bringing those intentions to life whilst also letting go and trusting in God/Spirit/The Universe or you might call it fate/divine intervention/the luck factor to bring the right intentions to life. After setting intentions, the letting go and trusting is really important, so that I can be present and not in Story/Drama/The Monkey-Mind and so that I may be at ease with those that do not come to fruition immediately or ever…

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.”

“If it is personally significant or authentically meaningful to you, don’t give up.”

Then we had a lecture learning about all the chakras.

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The chakras are my faourite and most fascinating bit in the study of yoga- as they refer to the intriguing and fascinating “Energy Body”. We were guided through a kundalini chakra-balancing meditation which was beautiful and left me so spacey and blissed out that I floated off to lunch on my own, feeling like I wanted to sit alone and do some writing/catchup on homework which I did not manage to finish the night before. After my lunch of glass noodle stirfry and an iced latte, I realised I had floated out to lunch without my wallet. Thankfully they were willing to accept my course workbook/notebook as a ransom when I explained to them that I was a student and a writer and that these notes were very valuable to me. I ran back and forth in the rain to grab my wallet and ensure I could pay for the lunch and retrieve my notebook- chakras balanced spacey lady out to lunch!

Then we returned to begin very important healing work on both the inner child and the relationship with the prime care-takers/parents.

The inner child work was really magical and pretty heavy deep work on many energetic emotional and psychic levels. It involved going into a cocoon in my case by throwing a large blanket over my head (I chose to do this because I wanted to dissappear into the experience and also as I found it distracting to be so aware of other people sitting and or crying in the room). So once comfortable in my tent/cocoon/blanketed bundle creation I was guided to revisit painful memories from my childhood, times were I might have felt sad or fearful…I was suddenly very vividly having flashbacks from my childhood. I was there at ages 5, 6,7,8, 9, 10… I said hello to my child self- “hi…i’m a nerd she said laughing” and I saw a totally adorable geek who just wanted to make friends, a kind of morbid geek who liked horror stories and hated dodgeball, a little nerd who found solace and happiness in the world of her creative imagination. A little nerd who was so excited about halloween every year that she spent the whole year planning her costume and then the whole day puking and so often halloween got cancelled for her at the last minute because everyone thought she was sick but actually she was just so excited about it. I was lovingly laughing at my little inner hyper sugar-craving nerd. Then I was a graceful ballerina training so hard and trying so so hard to be “better then all the rest” and never felt good enough…only felt adored when she was on stage and deeper and deeper and so on…(I guess some of my process is really just meant for me and my healing not to share everything in a blog.)

We were basically encouraged to fully embody these memories, to cry and even to talk out loud from the voice of our inner child.  It was very strange and surreal and it was a powerful journey through time and space. It felt to me like astral travel, time travel- back to my past….it was all very clear and seemed very real.

Then we had to deal first with our mother from the point of view of our inner child and then our father… speaking out loud from the child’s point of view and asking for/demanding in a childish way all the things we might have needed back then and didn’t receive.

Then we had to visualise our parents as young children and offer healing energy to them for all they might have experienced in their own childhoods. We also had to visualise and remember all the times we may have hurt each (mother and father) and then to beg them for forgiveness for basically any and all the shit we may have put them through, to even visualise ourselves bowing down at their feet and begging them for blessings and forgiveness.

So it was pretty intense and cathartic to spend a few hours hiding under a blanket, snotty nosed and crying my eyes out whilst speaking like an angry or fearful little child. When I returned once again to presence in the room and lifted the lid on my blanket tent; I had a very peaceful sense that my parents may have actually felt me communicating with or connecting to them too, it was that powerful…

I must ask them what they thought or felt around that time yesterday….I hope that they felt the love, gratitude and healing energy. I am pretty sure that they would have, it was very intense.

It was such a beautiful ritual to go through and I found myself wishing that all adults could do something like this…energetically healing their inner child, forgiving and asking for forgiveness from their parents. Not that everybody needs to do this kind of work but I think a great percentage of adults would benefit from focused time to revisit a childhood in this way where it seems very very real- like a dream and then to also concentrate energy to ask each parent or primary care giver for forgiveness…

I do understand how this is a powerful for of energetic healing and a powerful way to step into personal power and responsibility.

Well, it was very heavily pouring down with rain all afternoon and seemed like Mother Earth was feeling the energy and crying too.

We then had a final talk on “The Art of parenting” which was picking up on the inner child and family constellation healing work. I appreciate that parenting was described as an “art form” ad something that everyone would benefit from studying or learning more about before actually having children/becoming a parent.

I was also fascinated by these proposed parenting theories:

For a child from age 0-6 they must be treated like a King or Queen

Do not say too many “NO’s” or the child will grow up to be very rebellious and also likely aggressive.

For a child from 6- 12 treat them like a prince or princess, start to set boundaries but do not dictate, rather encourage them to develop a moral imagination.

For a child from 12 onwards, start to treat them as a friend or equal to encourage an independent thought process and be prepared for them to say “NO” to many of my suggestions. Do not stifle their “NO” at this stage as it will lead to great problems for them in adulthood and they will mostly become an adult who says NO to life and who hates authority..

As we completed the inner child and family healing work, Punnu asked if we’d all like to order pizza- to a resounding whoop and cheer. Al our inner children were very happy to eat pizza huddled in a cozy circle, sheltered from the tropical rainstorm in the Yoga Barn.

So it was full on and I arrived back home pretty late and exhausted, having hitched a last minute ride on the back of a passing motorbike through the jungle, because I was fine on foot for a bit…and then I think my inner child suddenly got afraid that there might be big snakes in the jungle in the heavy rain…

Once back at my house, a new neighbour popped over to say hi as she hadn’t seen me around for a few days, since I’ve been up super early, away all day and back late at night…

I told her I was “busy and deeply processing” what I had experienced during the day.

Processing is another new agey sort of trending word….an important one though for without processing I would just jump from one experience or encounter to the next. I like to stew, percolate and process what I am learning in order to grow and expand.

My new neighbour is a really cool creative character and several times published author. She definitely deserves and requires a blog post just about her; which I will do soon once I have completed the Oneness…

Here is a song and beautiful video. Enigma “Return To Innocence”

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